For those of you who are close to me know that I am the type of person who really withdraws when things get tough. I have preferred texts to phone calls these past couple of weeks from pretty much everyone. I just haven't had the energy to make those loved ones feel that I am "okay." When I wasn't sure I was.
I will stop explaining and just say it. I lost the baby last week. I went in for what should have been a "boring checkup" and it turned out to be another appointment @ my OB where I received the shock of my life. First learning of Ayla's abdominal "mass" and now to hear no heart-beat and see no movement from my 2nd pregnancy.
After more testing to confirm the miss-carriage, my Dr. scheduled me to have a D and C. She said based on the ultrasound this most likely happened around 13 weeks. I had no signs or symptoms, I was very much at peace with the health concerns for this child. It felt like a punch in the stomach.
I had the procedure about a week ago and recovered well. I went to my sisters home in Knoxville for a few days to rest and have "girl-time."
I got home today and looked on the fridge and saw the only evidence that I was ever pregnant for a 2nd time...my one and only ultrasound picture at six weeks. It's hardly nothing to look at, but something i will treasure forever.
I am feeling positive about trying again but very fearful about many things...including CF, and now miss-carrying. I am eager for my post-op appointment to hear what my Dr. recommends and find out when we can try again..
Thank you to all of our friends and family who have been praying for us!
Ayla Appt Update: We did not make it to her appointments due to the above, they were re-scheduled for June 30th. She is doing well and had so much fun with her cousins Gavin & Nolen!
~krista
Posts
Krista,
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry to hear about your loss. I've been in your shoes and it is a hard place to be. I'll be praying that the Lord gives you all the comfort and strength that you need to get through this time. Hugs to you!
Lisa
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot begin to know what you are going through.... Sending you lots of love and prayers... Marcy
ReplyDeleteHi there, you don't know me but I found your page through my friend, Angie K. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to read about your loss. My husband and I just lost our 2nd pregnancy a couple of weeks ago (we have a 3-yr-old son), and it is still so fresh on my mind and raw on my heart. Just wanted to let you know I will be praying for you. The physical healing comes so much faster than the emotional, but it does come. Very slowly. I still cry every day, but every day it feels a little less sorrowful and a little more peaceful. I can't speak to the CF aspect you mentioned, but God is still in the business of miracles - Angie's blog can attest to that! I pray God heals your heart and blesses you with a healthy pregnancy and baby in His perfect time. All the best, Jenn Lyons (www.lyonsbaby2010.blogspot.com)
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful! I am soooooo sorry for what you and Larry have been through these past few weeks. You are brave for sharing and I know from experience that it helps to get it out there. I am so proud to be your sister and I love you so much!
ReplyDeleteI'm of course very sorry for your loss and you guys are in my prayers. I know there is nothing I can do, but I'm here for whatever you need.
ReplyDeleteRonnie
Sorry for your family's loss. I can't even imagine how you are feeling right now. Peaceful things and powerful thoughts for you.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss. You and your family is in my thoughts and prayers.God is with you ans allow him to embrace you and walk beside you during this time.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss and I know these words will probably do nothing to comfort you but I feel for you. I completely understand what you mean when you say you prefer texts to phone calls. Not the same situation but ... when Nathan was first diagnosed I called my mother and law and matter of factly said "he has Cystic Fibrosis, I don't want to talk about it". End of conversation for a few weeks. You need time to cope yourself and with your immediate family. Praying for you and that you will receive the ok to try again from your OB.
ReplyDeletethanks everyone for all the comments, we really appreciate the support from our family & friends in CF community.
ReplyDeletePraying for you. There are no words at a time like this. I am lifting you before the throne of God and trust wholly He is holding your little glory baby snug in His arms. I understand how it is so so hard to actually say the words...it just makes it real then. Hugs from a fellow CF Momma of a 13 month old, Reese.
ReplyDeleteKrista, I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and praying for you. Know that your baby is shining beautiful light down on you and your family. Love and prayers, Mary (mommy to Michael 3 years and Dylan, both with CF)
ReplyDeleteKrista, I am so sorry for you Loss. I have 4 kids and between my youngest son and our last child I miss carried. It was very hard I just tought it wouldnt happen to me. But God did bless us again and a few months later we found out that we were expecting again it was hard at first I keep worring that the samething would happen but, than a few weeks turned into 9 months and our one and only daughter was born. I cant say it every leaves your mind but the pain will get better with time. God bless you and I will keep you and your sweet daughter in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI pray that soon your heart will not be heavy, not to be empty. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I remember telling myself that I couldnt ever try again. We got pregnant almost a year later and then to find out we had a baby girl with Cystic Fibrosis. Life sure does hand us, or should i say throw us some curve balls. I would like to offer you some little advice about helping to soothe a heart hurting from a miscarriage. On your Angels birthday, find something to do that you will continue to do every year to honor your Angel. I got my angel a ballon on its birthday and let it fly with a note hoping that it will reach my angel in heaven. I also bought myself a bracelet to remember that I need to have hope and Hope is what i named my baby angel. Please know you are not alone and be sure to smile at your angel :)
ReplyDeleteLisa Williams
I am so sorry honey and just know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear this sad news. I've been where you are and remember the feelings all too well. You don't owe anyone an explanation but you do owe yourself some time. Time to grieve...time to be...time to heal.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, friend.
xo
k.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It may seem like no one understand, but please know that the women in this community are wrapping their arms around you in support and love. Try to focus on becoming well. Peaceful prayers to you.
ReplyDeleteBeth