Life is hard

There are days that make the others

Worth it. There are days that you can't wait to see end. Those days for me usually are filled with thoughts of the unknown...questioning God's plan and why I am who I am.

Seems like so much of this life is filled with pain. People are losing people they love every day, some having lived long fulfilled lives and others fires were snubbed out to soon.

I ask myself why should you be any different? Because I'm a believer I should be without pain. I used to believe this lie. I know that life will be hard I will struggle to get through it.

I'll try to look in my daughters eyes and just see beauty instead of sadness. I'll try to be sensitive to others struggles and not compare them to my own. I'll try to be ok with the mother, wife, daughter, person that I am instead of feeling guilty. 

I take heart in knowing that I have my god my higher power to call on when I am low. When the days turn to weeks or my load is much to bear...

I know that the power to change it all is in his hands. I also have seem that his time is better than mine. Knowing these lessons hasn't made it any easier to wait on him. 

My miracle, my one wish isn't to have a million dollars or sing on the biggest stage. It's healing, true healing for Ayla. A life not stifled by disease and heartache. For all my children to outlive me...and be happy and be in love. 

Lately there are so many reminders of what cf can do to us, what it steals from us...its so hard to think clearly and positively. 

Most of the attacks on our lives come before our greatest triumph right?! I sure hope in the coming weeks, months, years we have some good news to report....this momma needs a breakthrough....